dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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