stop calling my apartment porn island.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
