I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
