What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
