I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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