someone threw a dead crab at me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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