If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize