Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
