so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's shark week go big or go home
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
