this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
