Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
