booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
