if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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