I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
