You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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