"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
