apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
being pregnant is like rehab
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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