Operation Purity has been aborted
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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