the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
