OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
