I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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