Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
