I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
