It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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