my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
