So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
