Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
