if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
