1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
