he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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