yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
