Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
