her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
