I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
