I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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