I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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