Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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