Screwed.edu
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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