Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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