tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
