i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
