i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
