ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
