im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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