Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
