did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
