I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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