I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
