My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
