The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Everything about him screamed your future.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
