Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
