just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
