Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
