I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
