Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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