he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
