my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
