She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
