Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
