He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
