Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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