Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
