i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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