I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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