I'm sorry my penis didn't work
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
