Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
