i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
