Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
