My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
