jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
