is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
