margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
