After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
