so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
