is your mom at the bar?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
