I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
