Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
