Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize