3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
