Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
